You know you'll watch.

Remember when those sexy naked photos of Scarlett Johansson “leaked” from her own cell phone? They were intended for then-husband Ryan Reynolds, but somehow they got to, well, everybody.

It was hard to buy then, and it’s certainly hard to buy now. Especially since the sultry Johansson is once again putting her body on full display – this time on purpose – and this time in a movie.

That means everything moves. And all you sick Scarlett Johansson stalkers are going to get your wish. SJ’s chesticles hanging loose on the big screen.

Except you may refrain from full-on self-groping when you hear that it will all take place in an Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho movie.

Scarlett Johansson will play the woman who gets stabbed to death in the shower of the original Psycho movie.

So you’ll get to see the sweet Scarlett Johansson naked. And stabbed. To death. Repeatedly. With blood.

Yeah, try rewinding and replaying that one 34 times to get the moment right. Something tells me you’ll at least have to mute this one.

The Bachelor

If you don’t watch reality shows, then we apologize in advance for even talking about this website.

But,..

If you’re into watching reality TV, and if you’re reading this blog you probably are. Not that it’s an insult, but you know what I’m saying? The point is that we want you to check out http://www.bachelorrant.com/ because we like it.   They’re writing funny stuff about “The Bachelor” TV series.

IF you visit The Bachelor Rant and leave our site you can always come back.  We really do read the comments, we are people that write these posts, and we love you.  Thanks readers!  Tell us what you think about about the bachelor rant!

Also, we strongly encourage you to spend as much time in front of the TV or computer screens as possible.

Scherzinger blew it this time, America.

Before I address the title, I’ll give it to you straight – little, teeny, tiny, cutie singer Rachel Crow battled with Usher-wannabe Marcus Canty in last night’s X-Factor “results” show, and it was rough. In a good way, actually, as both singers performed extremely well in their “sing-off”.

However, anyone with a sane mind or any knowledge of musical talent had to admit that Canty was solid, but Crow was just damn amazing. The girl is 13 and she destroyed her song, while Canty continued to get by on his sometimes forced emotion and average vocals.

After Canty coach L.A. picked his boy and Simon Cowell picked his girl (Crow), it came down to Paula Abdul and the douche at hand, Nicole Scherzinger. Being of sound mind when it comes to music (and only music), Abdul made the terrific choice in picking Crow to stay and Canty to be the one to go home. Then the douche chimed in.

Nicole Scherzinger (think Pussycat Dolls, because that’s all you’ll know her from) had to ruin it all. She was a complete, utter mess, and she was the final deciding factor for last night’s show. This is a damn judge who is getting paid to be a damn judge. And she couldn’t make a decision. And not only could she not make a decision, but she looked completely unprofessional in doing so (or not doing so?), as she confessed she didn’t want to be the one to make the decision, and willingly forced a “deadlock” which put the final vote back to the fans who voted off of Wednesday’s show.

Ultimately, Rachel Crow was the one with the least amount of votes from Wednesday’s show, and she went home. If you want video of the spectacle, go here. But the real story is how awful of a judge Scherzinger is and has been just in general. But this time, she took being a douche on national television to new heights.

And then she proceeded to cry after getting on stage, with the 13-year old Crow consoling her. Queen douche.

At least his hair looks...good?

Rod Blagojevich, the former Illinois governor whose three-year fight against criminal charges became a topic for hot debate, was finally brought to justice Wednesday, when he was sentenced to 14 years in prison.

But, for what, really?

Despite his 18 “more serious” convictions, including a charge that he attempted to appoint someone to President Barack Obama’s Senate seat in exchange for monetary compensation, Ryan Staldin, CEO of MFMWHP (Men For Men With Hair Pieces), feels their is a deeper rooted issue here.

“Obviously he did some other shit, I’ll give the courts that. But this stuff is going way back, man. It’s been three years of our boy Roddy being mocked and ridiculed for some – what we believe to be – ridiculous fabrications, “Staldin said. ” But the big thing is that this honest, trustworthy guy was thrust into the national spotlight and drenched with the nation’s “hate baldy” saliva. Or whatever.”

Saldin went on to discuss Blagojevich in high regard, as an “upstanding citizen”, a “true hero” of the MFM…whatever the fuck it’s called, and a man that the balding community will reach back out to when his “uncalled for” 14-year sentence is finished.

“He did that shit”, Staldin concluded, “But that doesn’t give anyone the right to take this guy down at the knees. That hair piece, and the way he owned it, belong in the fucking MFMWHP Hall of Fame. If there were one.”

When asked if he knew if Rod Blagojevich’s hair could actually be authentic, Staldin replied, “It could be. It’s possible. But that’s the whole point here. It looks so damn good, that no one really knows. And that’s why this is happening. The government is trying to keep this quiet”.

The most logical explanation for Rod Blagojevich’s imprisonment, to be sure. While we certainly don’t give a shit about Blagojevich’s hair, his prison sentence, or anything else to do with them, we at least feel that the picture below paints the best portait of him. And if it doesn’t, we still just don’t care.

Lego Rod Blagojevich. Sweet.

Lohan is naked in a magazine somewhere. Yeesh.

So, in what doesn’t really qualify as news, but more just disturbing truth – the often arrested, coked out, and annoying Lindsay Lohan is back in the news. This time (at least for the moment), it’s not for some type of abuse, arrest, or horrible movie. No, this time it’s about her naked, freckled, anorexic body.

That’s right, the Lindsay Lohan Playboy Cover is out there. It’s alive and well. It’s real, and it’s happening. So, for those of you 14-year old (or47-year old) Lohan internet stalkers, today is a day for festive celebration.

For the rest of us, it’s a day where one of our worst fears has come to fruition.

If you’re a freak, here’s the cover heard round the world. Don’t worry, we’re not linking to any of Lohan’s pictures. And no, we’re not bothering to see if those have been uncovered, either. We just think it’s hilarious that Lohan’s name is hot. Or that there are actually people out there that think Lohan herself is hot. Or that the people at Playboy thought she was hot AND thought people who read/look at/buy Playboy think Lohan is hot.

I mean, we’ve from Marilyn Monroe to Carmen Electra to…this. God help us all.

Look At You. I can’t help it either.

Kepler-22b The New Planet

Yesterday NASA confirmed the discovery of the first planet outside of our solar system that has a “habitable zone”. Basically, they found another planet that human beings can live on.  Yes, that one that they’ve been telling us might be there, it’s real?  Maybe I’m a nerd, but my mind is blown at the possibilities.

Imagine another planet that actually has oil left, where we could drill and start shipping it back here?  One where there’s a fresh unpolluted atmosphere.  This planet now is there, so many many miles away from ours.  Maybe there’s people there?  Maybe there hostile?

Wouldn’t it be a super fantastic site to send off a bunch of stuff you hate into outer space?

So I figured it is such a great fantasy that I’d make a list of all of the people or things I’d like to send there today:

• The concept of Global Warming – We’ll push that to Kepler-22B
• Crest with Scope
• Kim Kardashian
• Dasani Water
• Charlie Sheen
• Baseball
• Ashton Kutcher
• Burnt Popcorn
• Lindsay Lohan
• Mexico
• Piers Morgan
• Non-Crispy Bacon
• Kris Jenner
• Guys With White Sunglasses
• Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
• Middle back seat of small cars
• Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino
• Ritalin for Young Boys
• Donald Trump
• Raiders Fans
• Brett Ratner
• Speed Bumps
• The guy who  writes 1000 Tiny Things I Hate

Bye Bye.  On 2nd thought, maybe I’d just go there and start my own world.  Probably not, what’s an intergalactic shuttle run these days?

Patrick looks bitchy as ever.

In a shocking turn of events, IndyCar racing superstar Danica Patrick has shocked the beer-drinking and farming world by announcing her departure from IndyCar racing, and the decision to pass-up an opportunity to begin a full-time career with Nascar.

Instead, she’s trying her hand (or wheels) at Go-Kart racing.

When asked about her ridiculous decision, Patrick said, “You know, I’ll probably get judged negatively for leaving IndyCar racing. And I’ll probably get a lot of flak for passing up a huge opportunity in Nascar. But, hey, sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I just felt that racing Go-Karts would get me back to my roots. The speed of the tracks has gotten to me. I’ll be honest. And I just need to slow things down a bit. Besides, it’s much easier competition, and I get an odd satisfaction from flipping off teenagers in my rearview mirror. Yeah, I said it. So what?”

Patrick will start her Go-Kart racing debut on September 26th at Zippy’s Zaney Lanes. Also in the competition will be up-and-coming 8th grader Craig Donaldson, college freshman Zach Dila, former male figure skater Zahn Duhan, 9-year old lemonade stand entrepreneur Mandy Lyle, and town bully Scott Shields.

Said Shields, after punching out three of his competitors and taking their lunch money, “I have the best go-kart these bitches have ever seen. You should see how fast I can get it to 40. Danica Patrick is going to be slightly, slowly, possibly, almost, in some manner, eating my dust. And if she doesn’t, I’ll punch her out like the rest of’em”.

And so it seems, even with a drop down in level of competition from an outward stand-point, Patrick still has her work cut out for her.

Despite the award generally being presented after the completion of the regular season, league officials called it early and decided that no other rookie passer would have a chance at catching up with Newton’s insanely untouchable inaccuracy.

While Newton’s beautiful 6-for-19 passing performance was award-worthy on it’s own, the rookie passer has managed to complete less than 50% of his passes through three preseason games, causing even the horrible free-throw shooting Shaquille O’Neal to tear up.When asked how he was able to accomplish such a rare feat – winning the award before the season even actually started – Newton paused, and then said, “Hard work. It’s all about hard work. To be honest, I wasn’t even thinking about it. I wasn’t even thinking about anything. If I have to admit, there were times where I just stood there in the pocket, not thinking, eyes closed, just moving my arms. Sometimes I didn’t even know which hand the ball was in. I was that much at peace with it.”

Upon accepting his award, Newton vowed to chase the next best rookie quarterback award in line; Most Losses Award.

“You know, I’ve got the Inaccuracy award, and that’s great. But let’s face it, that was pretty easy. All I had to do was aim for hash-marks, guys’ feets, or throw it out of bounds. I’m pretty used to all of that. But losing, I’m not accustomed to it. But I’ll get there. If I work hard enough, and say my prayers, the losses will come.”

This is just an example of what can be found on failblog.org

So we have to mention Fail Blog because it’s one of the funniest blogs online.  They offer pictures and videos of the average Joe falling short, missing the mark, and just plain messing up.  And that’s funny.

http://failblog.org/

Yes, go on to their site and read there stuff, then come back here and read our articles.