Archive for the ‘Personal Ads’ category

Personal Ad #13996: Jeremy Schleck

October 13th, 2010
Laughing Gas Online

I want you to hold my sweaty, clammy hand.

Hey ladies, good to be speaking at you. Ha, oh geez, is it speaking at you or to you? Lord knows it’s not speaking with you. Not yet, anyways.

I’m sorry, I’m just a little flustered, trying to “sell myself” over the internet. I’m just a little shaken from my past experiences, as it hasn’t worked out quite as I’d hoped. You see, mail-ordered brides just don’t adhere to the rules, and then things can get a little ugly. But we can talk more about skeletons in the closet and my past relationship issues on our first date. Back at my house. In my basement.

But I’m getting off topic. You came here to learn more about me, right? Well, darnit, you shall! » Read more: Personal Ad #13996: Jeremy Schleck

Personal Ad #12683: Peter Galdon

October 14th, 2009

armpit-woman

Hi there, I’m Peter. My friends call me Petey, Petite, Purple Pete, Sneaky Snake, and Pan. Cuz, you know, the fictional character. The one that never grows old. Short of the green tights and pointy hat, that’s me in a nutshell.

Well, I used to have tights. But I gave that up years ago. Look at me, rambling on. And I’m only permitted 3,000 words. I hate to bunch up my whole personality into one block of letters, but shoot, it’s so hard to meet young, fine-looking girls these days.

I usually have to go to a park, clamp my shades over my spectacles, stretch back, and let my hair do the talking. I let the whispies reel’em in. I get about one or two a day. They walk dogs, baby-sit kids, or even go for a jog.

Not me. I just sit and wait. Not like a pervert or anything. More like a young, strong Fabio waiting for his next vixen to conquer. Oh, well, I’ve said too much. But have I even said enough. Oh, there I go again, gettin’ all R.E.M. on you guys. Lets hope I don’t go “Losing My Religion” before we get the chance to sit down and talk.

Dinner’s on me, sweet pea. Waddya say?