Archive for the ‘News’ category

50 Famous “Would be” One Liners of Sara Palin

April 14th, 2010

Sara Palin is coming back into the main stream ridding the wave of her new FOX program.  I don’t watch FOX so I don’t know the name of it, but who cares.  Less importantly, The former Republican vice presidential nominee attempted to pose as  a standup comic on Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show”, dropping one-liners about the White House, Congress and Fey – the “Saturday Night Live” star known for her impression of the former Alaska governor.

Palin told Leno’s audience she planned to speak at a gun-rights convention: “Be there or else,” she lamely warned them.

She said Alaska is different from California.  In Los Angeles, “when people have a frozen look on their face, I find out it’s Botox.”

Here are some other other one liners that are funnier than her comedy efforts: » Read more: 50 Famous “Would be” One Liners of Sara Palin

Moutain Dew Mouth

November 21st, 2009
It's Dew'Rific

It's Dew'Rific

While all soft drinks can cause some general tooth decay, dentists consider Mountain Dew to be the worst because it contains high amounts of sugar and caffeine.  Doing the Dew with a 20-ounce bottle will give a child 19 teaspoons of sugar and 93 milligrams of caffeine, which is nearly equivalent to an adult dose of NoDoz.

What does that mean?  What does a lifetime of Drinking the Dew, Dew to Your Dental?

John Flarex - Alrest, MI "Mountain Dew Mouth"

John Flarex - Alrest, MI "Mountain Dew Mouth"

Frank Bergstrom - Fresno, CA

Frank Bergstrom - Fresno, CA

Kevin Roberts - Fort Springs, FL

Kevin Roberts - Fort Springs, FL

“Drink Mt. Dew and You’ll Discover,

It Quenches Thirst Like No Other,

A Blend of Citrus, Just For You,

So Smooth, It Goes Down Easy To,

Mountain Dew”

ESPN's Steve Phillips Had Sex With Co-Worker, Brooke Hundley

October 26th, 2009

And it ain’t pretty, folks. No, there’s no sex tape-we hope. But for realzies, the ESPN reporter, Steve Phillips, cheated on his wife and had sex with this chick:

brooke-hundley-pictures

Not too shabby, right? Wrong. That’s an ideal picture of Brooke Hundley. Check out the pair posing for a picture:

hundley and phillips

If only we knew what they were up to back then. Those sick fucks.

Ah, but the story gets more interesting. Way more interesting. Marni Phillips, Steve’s wife, called the cops after Brooke Hundley showed up at her house. And to top it off, she had delivered a very revealing letter to Phillip’s wife

A lesson to the young and horny: Don’t sleep with retarded-looking co-workers. And don’t deal with crazies.

5 Sex Offender Treats For Halloween

October 23rd, 2009

When you think of “trick or treating” you don’t think about some mid 40′s creep playing with his junk while he gives candy to your kids.

I live across the street.  Happy Halloween!

I live across the street. Happy Halloween!

So how do you protect yourself?  First you need to know where they are.

There’s a site where (FOR FREE) you can look up all of the perverts in your hood.

Then you can use this list of fun things to do on Halloween to registered sex offenders.

First Find Them at: http://www.familywatchdog.us/

Then Try These:

FUN Things to do on Halloween to Registered Sex Offenders

#1.  Make a sign, post it in their yard, that tells everyone what you just found out: sexoffendersign

Putting this up (or making your own personalized version) is great on a holiday that gets so much outdoor traffic.  Other tips:

  • Sidewalk Chalk
  • Spray Paint
  • Post Supporting Signs (example: Sex Offender @ 123 St “large arrow pointing the the correct direction, posted on busy cross streets”)
  • Print Up and staple gun to area telephone poles
  • Visit at 2-3am and write your message with round up

#2 “The Sting”  Get a high powered stun gun (or other protective non-lethal or lethal weapon pepper spray, nightstick), a costume that hides your identity, or use your kids as bait (or not).   Knock, Knock (you know the rest, but we can’t say it)

#3 “The Phone Trick”  Look them up, Call their PO (or leave an anonymous tip with the police), tell a big lie.  Who are they going to believe?

#4 “Crossing Guard”  Dress up like a crossing guard and defend the house from the youngsters during your locally posted trick or treat times.  It helps if you have a shirt or sign that explains what you’re doing.

#5 “Sneaky Treats”  This is up to your imagination, but I promise to make another post full of sneaky treat ideas.

Do not do anything listed above unless you agree not to sue us.

Keanu Reeves Accused of Fathering Ontario Lady's Kids

October 22nd, 2009

Keanu Reeves was in the news recently for apparently fathering several kids and not taking responsibility. An Ontario lady claimed they had slept together and she felt he was the father, but didn’t have the funds to get a paternity test. She was calling for a DNA test, as well as money, from the 45-year old Reeves.

Reeves was cleared eventually, as Reeves claimed to not even know who the lady was. He wasn’t available for comment. We did, however, manage to catch this photo of him coming out of his cave:

keanu reeves

Okay, so he didn’t come out of a cave. But dear God, man, shave or something. You’re fucking 45.

Paul McCartney, Step Away From The Mic

October 22nd, 2009

After five years of silence, Paul McCartney announces that he’s going to do a new European tour.

My parents generation say that there’s two types of people.

There’s Elvis People and there’s Beatles People.

To talk negatively about either one is usually going to bring at least half of the room up and ready to kill you.  So just to be clear, I’m not saying I dislike the Beatles.  I’m only saying that I don’t care about any of Paul McCartney’s music going forward.  I’ve heard what there is to hear.

Here’s why:

In my humble opinion I think he’s just a “pretty good bass player” that was in the right place at the right time. Just listen to him collaborate with other musicians and you can plainly see that he’s 4th rate at best.

Here’s Paul w/Linkin Park and Jay-Z:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxTH7CDfw3Y&hl=en&fs=1&]

Here’s Paul with Michal Jackson.  What are they drinking in the beginning of this one,. Jesus Juice?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLEhh_XpJ-0&hl=en&fs=1&]

Sure there’s a lot of talent, but if I wanted to see anyone tour again it would be Carl Douglas:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0&hl=en&fs=1&]

Tell me that Paul McCartney is better than Carl Douglas?

Well, Carl Douglas was better than Elvis Presley.  If you don’t agree with that, at least Carl wrote his own music.

Former "Big Brother" Winner Adam Jasinski Arrested

October 20th, 2009

Does this guy look like he’s capable of trying to sell illegal drugs?

Big_Brother_Adam

Why yes, yes he does.

Sad news for you Reality TV faithful. Another would-be superstar has crashed to rock bottom, as Adam Jasinski, former winner of the one and only winter edition of the popular reality series, “Big Brother”, was arrested for allegedly attempting to sell oxycodone.

Allegedly.

Attempting.

Oxycodone.

The stuff that makes news these days…

McDonalds Monopoly Game Still Claiming Wallets

October 19th, 2009

You can’t fucking win!

IMG_1052

Quit buying Big Macs and extra value meals. Don’t “super size”. You don’t need it. You don’t need the extra mayo, mustard, ketchup, or Monopoly piece. Trust me, you won’t get the rare pieces. » Read more: McDonalds Monopoly Game Still Claiming Wallets

Donovan McNabb is Officially an Idiot

October 19th, 2009

dancing mcnabb

(He knows the Hawaiian dance, but not the NFL rules?)

Fans were harping on the beloved Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb last year for not knowing that NFL games went into “sudden death” and ended in ties, but now the “idiot” jaunts are proving to be correct.

Here he is defending his idiotic overtime (lack of) knowledge:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xteNFaP0L4&hl=en&fs=1&]

First the guy doesn’t even know that he’s no longer playing college football, but now he’s calling time-outs all Chris Webber-style when his team doesn’t have any.

With the ball on the Oakland Raiders 15-yard line with just 27 seconds remaining in the first half, the ingenious McNabb called a non-existent time-out. He was then penalized for doing so, bringing the ball back to the Raiders 20.

McNabb was on full tilt from that point on, as he got sacked on the next play by Oakland’s Richard Seymour, and Philly was forced to kick a field goal. The score was then 10-6 with Oakland leading, instead of a very possible 10-10 tie at the break.

The Raiders went on to win the game, hanging on for a pathetic 13-9 victory over the hapless McNabb and his Philadelphia Eagles.

Jon Gosselin Getting Sued by TLC

October 17th, 2009

It’s about fucking time.

Jon Gosselin

This doucher is getting sued for, well, being a douche. I have to tell you, people, I saw this coming. I really did. Back when this show was first starting, I turned to a friend and said, “That guy’s a douche. And not just your regular, every day douche. He’s like monumental, TV-induced douche. And he’s gonna cheat on his wife”.

Well, maybe I didn’t predict all of that. Not the first time, anyways. Regardless, Gosselin is now being sued for contractual breaching (another form of cheating, really), for somehow putting an end to “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”.

Here’s to hoping he loses all the money he got from exploiting his wife and kids.

Hopefully they claim that shirt in the lawsuit, too, and fucking burn it.