We got a lot of flak here at Laughng Gas Online for stepping on the non-gay heart and penis of your beloved Jared Leto, but come on, we kinda had to.
It’s like what all those people said about the lead singer of AFI, Davey Havok (love the guy) being gay, simply because he wore a ton of make-up (eye-liner, too, mind you), and didn’t eat meat.
That doesn’t make a dude a fruit-cake. Well, it might, but we’re not so easily jumping to conclusions. No, instead, we actually went a step further to uncover evidence as to why we initially joked over Leto’s sexuality.
Are we saying the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars is a straight-up homo? Not in the least. However, we’re are alluding to the fact that, despite his actual sexual orientation, he has more than enough “I’m totally gay” qualifications.
Read on for random, ill-prepared speculation:
- He’s a rock star. Look at all of the flamboyant rock stars in our day, and tell me they aren’t totally gay. I’m not saying they pound dude’s where the sun don’t shine. Being gay means more than just doing “it”.
Look at David Lee Roth, David Bowie, Rod Stewart, the Backstreet Boys, and even N’Sync. Lance Bass, sit back down. While Bass is the only full-blown gay that we can be sure of, there have been countless rumors over the years that Bowie and Stewart had unusual sexual experience, and well, the boy bands speak for themselves.
As for David Lee Roth…well, he’s just a creepy mother fucker. When you do that many drugs, wear colorful spandex, and jump all around stage, you’re kind of screaming it, wouldn’t you say?
Leto may not be to Roth’s level (yet), but we digress. Read on.
- The hair. Oh, my God, the hair. I know rock stars have to go “all out” when it comes to their appearance, but Leto is in a league of his own. It’s either got a weird, flairy twist to it, or it has odd, emo colors. Exhibit A:
This picture doesn’t render him totally gay. More emo, actually. And as much as I hate to admit it, that awesome lazy beard kinda saves him. But this next one, there is no excuse for:
Totally gay. You really can’t get much gayer than that. Leto looks like Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago. Just look below:
- He said he was gay. He was joking, supposedly, but it was his own mouth that spawned the topic.
- He promotes gay marriage. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” (Thank you, Seinfeld). And really, he’s just being cool, liberal dude. That’s the rock star in him expressing his views and trying to better the world through his power and celebrity status. Or he just wants to marry a dude. There’s always that inevitable or, isn’t there?
So there. Is Jared Leto gay? Probably not. But he damn sure fits the profile.
Official LGO Gayness Rating: 9.3 (Out of 10) Don’t ask how we computed that. You really don’t want to know.
