Rod Blagojevich, the former Illinois governor whose three-year fight against criminal charges became a topic for hot debate, was finally brought to justice Wednesday, when he was sentenced to 14 years in prison.
But, for what, really?
Despite his 18 “more serious” convictions, including a charge that he attempted to appoint someone to President Barack Obama’s Senate seat in exchange for monetary compensation, Ryan Staldin, CEO of MFMWHP (Men For Men With Hair Pieces), feels their is a deeper rooted issue here.
“Obviously he did some other shit, I’ll give the courts that. But this stuff is going way back, man. It’s been three years of our boy Roddy being mocked and ridiculed for some – what we believe to be – ridiculous fabrications, “Staldin said. ” But the big thing is that this honest, trustworthy guy was thrust into the national spotlight and drenched with the nation’s “hate baldy” saliva. Or whatever.”
Saldin went on to discuss Blagojevich in high regard, as an “upstanding citizen”, a “true hero” of the MFM…whatever the fuck it’s called, and a man that the balding community will reach back out to when his “uncalled for” 14-year sentence is finished.
“He did that shit”, Staldin concluded, “But that doesn’t give anyone the right to take this guy down at the knees. That hair piece, and the way he owned it, belong in the fucking MFMWHP Hall of Fame. If there were one.”
When asked if he knew if Rod Blagojevich’s hair could actually be authentic, Staldin replied, “It could be. It’s possible. But that’s the whole point here. It looks so damn good, that no one really knows. And that’s why this is happening. The government is trying to keep this quiet”.
The most logical explanation for Rod Blagojevich’s imprisonment, to be sure. While we certainly don’t give a shit about Blagojevich’s hair, his prison sentence, or anything else to do with them, we at least feel that the picture below paints the best portait of him. And if it doesn’t, we still just don’t care.