Sara Palin is coming back into the main stream ridding the wave of her new FOX program.  I don’t watch FOX so I don’t know the name of it, but who cares.  Less importantly, The former Republican vice presidential nominee attempted to pose as  a standup comic on Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show”, dropping one-liners about the White House, Congress and Fey – the “Saturday Night Live” star known for her impression of the former Alaska governor.

Palin told Leno’s audience she planned to speak at a gun-rights convention: “Be there or else,” she lamely warned them.

She said Alaska is different from California.  In Los Angeles, “when people have a frozen look on their face, I find out it’s Botox.”

Here are some other other one liners that are funnier than her comedy efforts:

1. I know all about Iran. I ran for Mayor and then I ran for Governor!
2. I can’t comment on the Kyoto Accord as I’ve only ever seen the Honda.
3. My pregnant daughter is definitely going to marry the baby’s father, John Edwards… I mean Levi Johnston
4. I just saw a photo of Barack Obama. Is that what a black man looks like?
5. I look forward to negotiating with the Shi’ites, as I haven’t had a good one all week.
6. I wouldn’t want to go over to Kabul. I’m perfectly happy with my DirectTV.
7. I think that the drop in the price of stock is a good thing, as now people will be able to make their soups cheaper.
8. I’ve got a four month old, I’m about to be a grandmother, and I have to change McCain’s diapers too?
9. Alaskan oil can end shipments of petroleum from the Middle East. Next we need to end their shipments of convenience store managers.
10. I put a $150 bounty on every wolf shot from a helicopter. How much do I have to offer for Obama?
11. I’ve been a fan of John McCain for years, even since before Kelly replaced Kathie Lee on his show.
12. When the reporter asked me about Iraq, I thought he was eyeing my rack.
13. I know how to deal with Hamas. With a side of eggs.
14. I told John McCain I don’t know how to deal with the nasty rumors about me on the internet! John replied “what’s the internet?”
15. I know all about Russia. I tried to get my brother in law to play their Roulette.
16. When I started with Yahoo Mail I thought it was a guy who liked to party!
17. I learned about international relations from Todd. He’s got Russian hands and Roman fingers.
18. I told John McCain that the best way to deal with Hugo Chavez is to play Bingo with Venezuela: B1, B2, B52…
19. EU? That’s what I say whenever Trig pukes up.
20. I warned Obama not to mess with me or I’ll get my brother in law to Taser him.
21. I don’t know about Fidel Castro, but Todd has a Gibson Guitar.
22. I’m sure victory in Iraq is in the Bag, Dad.
23. I was told Angela Merkel was European. I thought what you’re doing when you’re in the bathroom.
24. I told the Alaska Legislature that I’m not going to submit to a tainted probe. My daughter’s done enough of that!
25. John McCain has an unique and valuable perspective on petroleum production. He remembers the dinosaurs that are now our oil.
26. I have a great Alaskan recipe for Bear Stearns.
27. I’m not going to meet with Gordon Brown in Number Ten. I don’t even do Number One in public!
28. I’d deal with a Prime Minister Tzipi in the same way I’d deal with Dee, Doo and Dah.
29. I don’t think that Americans should elect Barack Hussein Obama, a man who is related to Saddam!
30. When I’m Vice President I won’t discuss government top-secrets on Yahoo Mail. Hotmail is much more secure.
31. I think Dion should win the Canadian election because I loved her Vegas show.
32. Of course I know about the Gaza Strip. I had to wrap one on Todd’s injured arm.
33. I educated my daughter on sexually transmitted diseases. We Alaskans are experts in the Deadliest Catch.
34. I’m sorry that the Lehman Brothers went bankrupt as I really loved their bagels.
35. I’m highly qualified as a diplomat: I have a high school diplomat.
36. No, I was Mayor of Wasilla, not a regular on Saturday Night Live!
37. I’m against free trade. I think other countries should pay for our products.
38. If I became President, the White House would go from a Bush to a bush.
39. I welcome Israeli involvement in the West Bank if they can keep it from failing.
40. Senator Chuck Hagel was wrong when he said I don’t have foreign experience. When I went to Germany last year, I had sex with Todd.
41. A break with China? I have Corelle as it doesn’t break.
42. I support government bailouts. After all, as Governor I bailed out of that damn bridge.
43. I know how to deal with Sarkozy. I’ll just ship my daughter to Paris and he’ll drop Carla like a rock.
44. I’m sure that was Barack Obama on TV winning the U.S. Open before his knee gave out.
45. I oppose the Lisbon Treaty. I believe women should marry men.
46. Yes, I posed in a bikini holding a rifle. Should I not have worn the bikini?
47. There’s no truth that Trig is my grandson! Bristol’s not a rabbit!
48. I think we should make Todd the Ambassador to Canada. I know that he’s really great at beaver bashing.
49. I have a solution for the oil crisis. We should just extract the oil from Levi Johnston’s face.
50. I’m familiar with Russia. My daughter was in a Russia to get pregnant.

OK, here comes the obvious disclaimer: Governor Sarah Palin never said, articulated, stated, verbalized, uttered, mumbled, vocalized, expressed, aired, announced, declared, enunciated, proclaimed, alleged, mouthed, murmured, phrased, thought, imagined, or even dreamed any of these lines! Also…please note that we stole this content maybe from someone from Canada, so you can’t really blast us for being partisan!

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